Finally one day, after hours of searching, I came across two terms that described what I was feeling. Trans-attraction and trans-orientation. I didn’t even know what to call my sexual orientation. I began questioning my sexuality and even my masculinity. The heteronormative world in which we live had successfully convinced me that being attracted to transgender women meant I had a fetish. I was attracted to trans women, in other words, and I spent the next three years of my life in confusion and shame. Although I don’t see anything different about my sexual orientation, most people do.Ībout four years ago, I was an exchange student in Thailand, a country known for its large, open transgender population. While most men avoided trans women, I saw no difference between them and cisgender women (women who were born biologically female).
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I never thought I would have to come out about being attracted to women. But that’s the funny and sad position I’m in these days. My advice is to forgo the labels and think about what you actually want for yourself.A version of this story originally appeared on The Weave. Be prepared and secure in your sexuality to deal with those comments. If you do decide to continue dating a trans woman, there will certainly be strangers and people you know who will call you gay and say you are less of a man. If you realize down the road that dating a trans woman isn’t for you, this is absolutely a valid decision, but once again, be respectful and polite.
![if im a trans guy and i love a guy am i gay or straight if im a trans guy and i love a guy am i gay or straight](https://static.scientificamerican.com/blogs/cache/file/2DE65FA1-B69D-4F36-A34F4FAE276A0300.jpg)
If you choose this route, save her the trouble of answering invasive questions by doing a quick Google search about trans women and our identities. Explain that it’s a new experience, but you’re open to seeing how things go without expectations or pressure. Or you could continue engaging with her and see where your future interactions take you. Be gentle and kind in your conversation as trans women are often rejected in a rather brutal fashion. If you are unsure if you want to continue dating her, you could decline any further interactions with her. If dating a trans woman isn’t for you, then it’s not for you. I encourage you to view your sexuality from a framework that embraces nuance and new possibilities.
![if im a trans guy and i love a guy am i gay or straight if im a trans guy and i love a guy am i gay or straight](https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/images/gender-sexual-identity-icons.png)
I applaud you for asking questions and wanting to be educated.” There is value in connecting with people you don’t previously have experience with. “Either way she is a woman you are simply a man who likes her. “Like any Tinder romance, you could meet her and feel differently,” she says. I reached out to transgender model and activist Taylor Lianne Chandler who urges you to not overthink the situation. Trans women are women - and you are attracted to her as a woman so naturally you are straight. Does dating or being attracted to a trans woman mean you are gay? No. Figuring out your sexuality isn’t an overnight process it takes time and patience. Sometimes, we become bogged down by questions about our own identities when we meet new people.
#If im a trans guy and i love a guy am i gay or straight how to
I am attracted to her, but I don’t know how to feel. “I’ve been talking to a girl I met on Tinder for two weeks, and she informed me she is a pre-op trans woman.
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Submit your questions to and subscribe to Transplaining to receive weekly email alerts here. No topic - from dating to sex to the process of transitioning itself - is off-limits. Welcome to Transplaining, Mic correspondent Serena Daniari’s weekly advice column on gender identity.